For a couple of nights I've had dreams that I've been shot or had a gun pointing at me. In one of them I was definately shot, and in my dream I expected to have died instantly and was wondering why it was so drawn out. It was quite disturbing, may have to look up the meaning of that.
Last night I also dreamt that the results from all the tests we'll be having came back and I was told I basically would never be able to have a child. Thsi has upset me loads because I am scared that actually may be the case. All I keep obsessing about is my friends who have babies and who is going to say they're pregnant next, another announced hers last week. One is getting married in a couple of weeks so no doubt she'll be the next, while all the time I'm left behind facing a childless future. Maybe I need to stop comparing myself to everyone else?
We are loking for a house now as we have accepted an offer on ours and we are considering a family as a factor when looking for houses but actually that may never be necessary. We want a better house and where we are possibly moving to is a lot more expensive than where we are now which means bigger mortgage. I was lay in bed this morning thinking how if we get too bigger mortgage we won't have any spare cash for further IVF treatments or even tests. But then I don't want to live in a smaller house than what we have now.
I seriously need to win the lottery!
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