can't be bothered

I've decided that I don't have the time to try and write about the last 6 months of treatment to try and catch up with what is happening now. I want to be able to write on an almost daily basis abotu what is happening but feel as though I have loads still to write from previously.
So to give a brief history, that treatment in September rsulted in us having 2 day 3 embryos put back as our 11 embies weren't doing so well at day 3 and they didn't want to risk us not having any to put back on day 5, which is the preferred day.
on day 5 we had one blastocyst so they froze it.
But a week after having our perfect embies put back I started to bleed, I couldn't believe it was all over so quickly, it was just so unfair. The hospital increased my pessaries to 3 a day and I gave in after a few more days and did a pregnancy test to know for sure. It was positive, I couldn't believe it. The hospital changed me onto gestone progesterone injections in case the pessaries weren't doing the trick, but I carried on bleeding and after a week there was no sign that I had been pregnant. To this day we don't know whether it would have stuck if I'd have had gestone all along or whether there was some sort of immune response happening, like me body fought off our little babies.
We did a frozen cycle and thankfully our blast survived the thaw. I had gestone that time and didn't bleed at all, but the test was negative. Maybe the baby wasn't mean to be.

We have now found out that we can have another free cycle of IVF on the NHS from April although our clinic have said there may be a 6 month wait. I'm fed up of waiting. I know it sounds selfish, but its been 3 and a half years of waiting and its taking its toll on me I'm sure.
So we've decided in the meantime to go to London ot the ARGC clinic which is meant to be the top dog and have a consultation there to see if they can shed any light. I'm sure I have an immune response, maybe my body fights off sperm, or any embryo that may be formed. The only time I have a sniff of a positive pregnancy test was when we had IVF. The clinic may recommend some extra testing.
We're torn between waiting and having a free go before we do anything else because maybe it was just bad luck with the other cycle. But then I don't know if I can handle another failure if there is something else wrong. I guess it'll do no harm to have the consultation. We managed to get a short notice appointment so are going on the 31st March.

I feel pretty shit at the moment, just so so run down and tired. I couldn't be bothered to get up today and I have really lost my appetite. I'm paranoid that I've got something wrong with me, but have a feeling it could be depression. Month after month of nothing happening and the wondering of whether it ever will.